How Do I Really Feel?

How do I really feel?

I took a huge step and I recognized I needed someone to talk to. That I cannot continue on my own anymore.

That no matter how many paintings or burpees I do, it won’t stop the pain.

I am scared yet numb, knowing when I open those doors tomorrow, I am basically saying goodbye to my life as I know it.

But how bad can it be? Sometimes the most painful transitions are those that bring you to the brightest futures.

I haven’t stepped through those doors yet, and I already feel like I am walking into the Arctic.

That I am about to become another statistic.

Another file.

One day I will look back.

I already know it is for the best.

But letting go is never easy.

It is one of life’s biggest tests.

Growing up as a girl it is okay to cry. But when did it become not OK to feel?

How is it that the generation of Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington became the people of today, who prefer a smile on social media, than a genuine answer to the forever Facebook question, ‘What’s on your mind?’

Why does a sad person want attention, and not want someone to tell them it’s going to be OK?

Why does no one want to acknowledge, that letting go of pain, is one of the hardest lessons we will have to learn.


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